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I don’t even have a cape October 3, 2010

Filed under: family size — jps23 @ 9:10 pm

Smiley, feeling not-so-smiley (I feel you, dude)

I was having a conversation with an acquaintance the other night, and she was talking about the days where you want to just get away from the kids, walk through the house without tripping over one of them, and actually use the bathroom uninterrupted for once.  As I proceeded to tell her I know how she feels, I witnessed a look of relief on her face, to know that I have those days, too.  A lot of people tell me that I am Supermom.  That doesn’t surprise me.  What does surprise me is that THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT!!!  And then it hit me- they think that because I have opened my womb to as many babies as God sees fit (meaning we don’t prevent, provide barriers, or time cycles) AND I choose to homeschool them (which basically means you are on 24/7), I must love it so much that I would never think such *awful* things about motherhood.  And THEY WOULD BE WRONG!!!  I have those day, too.  Days when I’d like to peel them off of my arm.  Days when I’d like to go two seconds without hearing someone say “Mommy, I need…”  Days when closing the door to pee and not having it beaten down like a police raid.  I have them too!  However, I have learned to consider even the hardest days blessings for a few reasons.  Do I always remember these reasons?  Not usually.  But I am human, and I must say, thinking that my own mother was Supermom for so long because she held it in so well and never appeared shaken made my early days as a mom a little tough.  I felt like the biggest failure with just one kid!

Reason #1- I know a handful of women who would give EVERYTHING to have days like these.  No, they don’t necessarily WANT the bad days, but they would endure them for the gift of the good days, any days, with a child of their own.  I don’t understand infertility, and that’s a question on my list when I meet Him face to face.  With so many people having children that don’t take care of their kids, that seemed burden by them, why can’t my friends have a child they would love with every ounce of their being and spend hours reading through books, praying, and asking advice to ensure they make the right parenting decisions?  Yes, I really think of these women when my kids get on my last nerve and I can’t take another second, and it is usually accompanied by a little chat with God over my extreme disagreement with their situation and a request that He change His mind on this one.

Reason #2- I know these moments will be over too fast.  I know women who have sent their kids to college, just to have felt like they were changing their diapers yesterday.  They might fight over a toy today, but in a blink they will be fighting over an outfit, or (I try not to think about this one) a boy.  Today they are picking what they want for a snack, but in a blink it will be where they want to go to college or who they want to marry.  I do not wish these days away.  I may wish they were easier sometimes, but I do not wish them gone.  Earnhart already has outgrown my lap.  The girls did long ago.  I think I’ll cherish snuggling away hurt feelings and boo-boo’s for as long as they’ll allow.  In a blink, it will be broken hearts and grown-up disappointments I’ll be wishing I could snuggle away, with a lap much too small to hold my grown babies.

Reason #3- God never promises it will be easy.  I think He allows things to be tough sometimes to remind us to draw nearer to Him.  I know that, at least for me, I tend to get a little confident when things are smooth sailing, and sometimes I need to be reminded just how much I NEED Him.  Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS.  When things are good and when they are bad.  ALWAYS.  God is good all the time.  It’s easy to say that on the good days.  It’s much tougher to say it on the bad days.  Everyday, though, it is true.

These are just a few of the reasons that are most frequently at the front of the collection.  I am tremendously blessed, but I am NOT  Supermom.  I wasn’t equipped with anything special for raising seven.  I don’t even have a cape.  God kind of gave/gives it to me along the way.  And along that way, believe it or not, I have “those” days, too.  I often tell people that there are too many good ones, though, to get caught up in the not-so-good.  So don’t worry if you can’t find your cape.  The power was never in there to begin with.