I have gained great encouragement from so many readers and friends this week. All remarks have been encouraging and uplifting, none carrying judgment or condemnation. What a gift. However, I received this email from a friend last night that simply stopped me. It was the comfort that I needed. It was the truth that He wanted me to hear. I am hoping she doesn’t mind me sharing it here with you. I can’t imagine she would, especially if she knew these same words might do for you what they have done for me.
I have been reading all about your week through facebook and your blog. You have been on my heart a lot. I know these days of caring another little one must be exhausting. And having such big heart decisions laying in your lap on top of it all is just another weight. So as I have read through your week, and prayed for you, the thing that keeps coming into my heart is just this: the weight of this decision is not coming from Him. He is the God of the I AM. He is forever in the present tense. He is not in all those thoughts of tomorrows and ‘yet to comes’. He asks us to trust Him for today. Because He is in our present tense with us. He isn’t asking you to trust him for the yet to come, at least not yet. He is saying “trust me today, and I will walk with you into tomorrow.” All of these thoughts about what will happen down the road, that is Satan digging in and picking at you. Jamie, you are an amazing mom, a wonderful wife, a committed friend and most importantly a loving, open daughter to your heavenly father. He loves you beyond belief and is longing for you to pour out your desires to him. If right now you want to shout “no more children, never, no way, that’s it.,” then my goodness, shout it!! And trust him to bear the weight of those emotions for today. But don’t worry about making that decision right now. He is your father and more than anything wants to hear your heart, and provide for your greatest heart’s desire! And if He longs for you to have 9, 10 or 20 kids, then He will gently walk with you into that tomorrow. But for today, He loves you, and cries with you through every joyful and aching moment.
I am praying for you and all those little Stovalls.